were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
