Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
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I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
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They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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