my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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