Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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