Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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