Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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