How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now