I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
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I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
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Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants