you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
As shirtless as possible
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.