She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night