At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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