ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
