6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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