you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
