I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
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It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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