She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.