Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia