I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.