You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
