So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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