Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sponge bath it is.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
