Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize