I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize