I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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