we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
