Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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