you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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