i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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