One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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