you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
