I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
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Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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