so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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