u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
