I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
