Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
