No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
