you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
worst night to have a conscience
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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