wrigley field is MILF paradise
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
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I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
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Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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