Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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