Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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