Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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