I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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