If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
