in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
