He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
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He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
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there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night