dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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