This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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