Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My cat gives me a boner
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
