I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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