So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
