I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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