dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
