At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
