I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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