Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
