The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize